Being a mom alone is very hard, from the time you conceive your child, through the 9 months of carrying her in your tummy, giving birth and taking care of her through life. I am a mom and to make it more difficult, I am single.
I got pregnant at an early age of 20, my boyfriend of 5 years left me when my daughter was turning 1. It was not a very easy breakup mind you. I attempted suicide and had a nervous breakdown because of it.
Life was never the same, everything is a 100 times difficult compared to everybody else. It was hard going to school, getting work and having fun was out of the question.
I am a senior coordinator in a computer company and at the same time since I want my nursing career to progress, I applied for a nursing training for 6 months in AFP Medical Center. Working 2 jobs was never easy and nobody said it was but since I was determined to make something out of my life I went for it.
Since then I often find myself crying for all the reasons I can think of, like when I miss my daughter, when I have to work even though I haven’t gotten any sleep, for all the times that my daughter has a project and I can’t be there to help her, for all the times she needs me and I can’t be there. I cry for all the times my sister’s friend teases her whenever I am not at home.
I am boarding just to make it to my 2 jobs and I only get to see my daughter on Saturdays. I know it is unfair but I have to do something to make way for me getting a better job to secure her future.
Since I started my 2 jobs, I often find myself getting irritable always and my patience is wearing thin whenever my daughter calls me or even when I am at home. After that I cry because I know I hurt her feelings and I know she just wants to get my attention but I can’t help it, I’m so tired and I myself don’t know what to do with our lives.
To make up for everything I always explain to her why I get angry all the time, why I can’t be with her. It is so heartbreaking whenever she calls crying because she needs my help and I can’t be there. I cry for all the time she is chosen for a part in a school play but later on will be replaced because I am not there to buy what she needs or attend to the meetings.
I felt my daughter is so “kawawa” because I can’t be there to support her. May be that’s the reason why until now I am not vigilant in looking for a nursing job or entertaining the thought of applying for a staff position in AFP for I want to spend as many time as I can with my daughter after my training and pick up the pieces again.
I blame myself for everything that my daughter is going through, why she cant enjoy having a mom, why she cant enjoy being a kid and why she gets hurt. Its so hard to be a single mom but I am proud to be one.
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